It's Just Wrong

that...

1. The pump tube in every body lotion is (purposely?) designed to reach only to the top of the last 1 1/2 inches of liquid, thereby requiring you to replace the product at least two months early. So the "bonus" ounces were no such thing, but just a waste product. Oh, sure, you can unscrew the top every time and tip the bottle to get a few drops out, smacking the bottom. But where do you put the gunky top in the meantime? So you fish a piece of plastic or paper out of the waste basket and gingerly set it on that. This will last a day or two, then you'll replace it rather than deal with the hassle. Exactly! "They" count on this.

2. The lace panels on your panties are placed exactly where your thumbs just naturally go to pull them on. This guarantees that your thumbs will tear the lace, meaning that eventually the panties will have to be replaced long before it would otherwise be necessary. Exactly! "They" count on this.

3. Aging women begin to grow whiskers at the same time they begin losing their near sight. They can't even see them with their glasses on, which is why they mostly give up on mascara. (Hillary has an artiste to do it for her.) The only way to detect these black, coarse, vile straggles is to stroke for them, feel the stump and then wander, hands shaking across the chin, trying to capture the bugger with the tweezers.
The chin stroking is not a sign of wise old age, it is a nervous habit.
Don't tweeze, you say? Shave.
Now, I love the tiny little lady razors as much as anyone, but the thing is, the buggers grow back.
Like, right away. Arrgh.

4. — 10. Your choice