Sedaris!

I did not find this shiny object. Andrew Sullivan did. But that's why I read them. So you don't have to.
re: undecided voters

To put them in perspective, I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks it beside my seat. “Can I interest you in the chicken?” she asks. “Or would you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it?”